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You Gotta Have It Too

We’re Both More Like Nola Darling Than You Think

 

By: Sitoria Townsend

SitoriaSpeaks.com

 

Disclaimer

This post may contain comparisons you may not like. Y’all are much alike though so whatever! The writer doesn’t mind though because it’s your truth little do you know. Oh, and by the end of this post you will start to think maybe you’re a distant cousin of Nola.

 

Hoe!

 

Yes, I said it because y’all were already thinking that. After seeing the previews to the show, “She’s Gotta Have It”, directed by Spike Lee, judgment was instantly thrown onto Nola. In fact, the previews gave people a choice to make. You chose to watch it or you didn’t, there was really no in between. Either you connected to it or you didn’t. It either caught your interest or it didn’t. Kind of like any previews you’d see.

 

I get it. BUT…The imagery and scenes that were revealed in the minute and a half trailer was intense and in your face, and to some degree made you uncomfortable, all for good reason.

 

For me, as soon as I saw it I saw me. Nola was a single, young, black female who was doing the damn thing on her own terms. A simple concept, but yet so layered for some. And for others, they simply just called a spade a spade. Nola. Was. A. Hoe.

 

Well if Nola was a hoe then go ahead and label me too. I know I wasn’t the only with this thought. The show wasn’t meant to highlight that, though. It sparks conversation and brings to surface many perspectives but to put the show in that small, narrow minded bubble of thinking doesn’t give her or the message a chance to thrive.

 

Nola is in this phase of life where she is living to meet her standards of happiness, but also still discovering what makes her happy. The new millennial is taking this concept now and running with it. Nola doesn’t want to be confined in any way, nor her pussycat. That’s another conversation for another time. She is the walking poster child for liberation. Deeper than that, she is the walking poster child for a woman unapologetically living her life liberated and minding her damn business.

 

And for men, this is normal and y’all know that was the immediate thought that popped in your head. “Oh, she acting just likes a man!” And women still judged her.

 

Any who, when I used to hear the word liberated, fear instantly tagged along as well. Why? Because to live a life of freedom means you are a for sure target for judgment and when we know we may be judged for something, we get fearful and don’t do it. We as women fall into this false illusion of what makes us happy, but we think about our next moves too hard because we want to keep this image up of whatever people have of you already. But deep down inside we envied those people who didn’t think like this and it was evident through their choices.

 

I also will be damned if I live my life according to your standards, but men are praised on the other hand for keeping their Chico stick shiny and anew (depending on what women you mess with) and getting praised for all the things we wish to do or want to do ourselves.

 

Spike Lee also exposes the ugliness of being a woman too. That ugly truth is our power of choice is oftentimes robbed.

 

Let me clarify.

 

Ladies, too often we get dolled up, looking like a meal and some side dishes. You got fine, bih! Then, you go out and the vultures attack. You feel helpless and you almost feel like you can’t control it, but when you decide to speak up now you’re the “Angry woman with an attitude”, “Stuck up,” and our favorite, a “Bitch.” I mean how can men, who are supposed to look out for us and be a protector robs us of a choice of whether or not we want to be objectified.

 

Men, that shit scares us and is traumatic as hell. I won’t go in much detail, but if you’ve read previous posts, you’ll know I was a victim of sexual assault. I value my voice and I value it more when I use it. But when you come up to me and touch me, undress me with your eyes, objectify me, I feel like I’ve lost that choice to be respected and left the fuck alone. The scary thing is, that we almost become numb to it at some point.

 

Lastly, she takes no shame in entertaining what she wants and when she wants to. The three men she was involved with were completely different. I mean, if you looked up the word different in the dictionary you’d see these three side by side as an example. To me though, this spoke to Nola and her insecurities. It seemed she was never satisfied and some may have a positive and/or negative connotation on this. But one thing is for sure, they kept her entertained and she made some beautiful art through each lesson, trial, and tribulation.

 

After all, that’s what life is. A big canvas waiting for you to paint it with your brush dipped in life.

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Sitoria

My thoughts and words give me a sense of strength like none other because they give me freedom, freedom to be comfortable with myself, internally and externally. Something I denied myself up until this point, because I was scared. Scared of criticism, scared of judgment, scared of truly just being myself. I had to come to a point where I had to understand I’m not living for anyone else, I’m living for Sitoria.