Honor Your Hurt, Honor Yourself
This weekend in Nashville I had a revelation as I was watching Iyanla Vanzant: Fix My Life. That’s my auntie child. She was working with a group of women to break into the myth of the angry black woman and baby these women had some guards up on them. But, that was the whole point of this episode: to break them in and see why. Because let’s be honest, hurt that some black women have faced is real and an enormous amount of pain that some don’t know how to let go or they choose not to. It was the one thing she said to these women that I started to see a huge change in them. She said, “In order to free yourself from your pain, you must honor your hurt.”
Now, many have read my “Daddy Lessons” blog and that’s where my mind instantly reverted back to when she said that. I was broken, beyond broken to the point I didn’t even know and it was affecting different parts of my life. It was then I realized the only reason I’ve made the strides I have is because I honored my hurt inside of me. That hurt was the little girl that was scorn at a young age who was sexually, mentally, and physically abused. I owed it to her to acknowledge that pain she went through. I owed it to her to acknowledge that she was still there, trapped inside this adult body, reliving this pain over and over.
I refused to be suppressed any longer. If I did, I would still be suppressing the hurt and not giving myself, or that thing, the chance of being honored and released. Listen to your heart when it is time to let go. For me, it was butterflies in my stomach every time I thought about my past and then I would hear someone share a similar story to mines. That was nothing more than God telling me “It’s time.” Being vulnerable with yourself is such a blessing. It allows you to heal, but you never know who you are encouraging to share their story, as I was encouraged. You got to pay it forward.
Will it be hard to face that truth if you’ve been suppressing it for years? Hell yes. Do you owe it to yourself to HONOR that hurt thing or person inside of you? Hell yes. The six, seven, and eight-year-old, Sitoria, from Chicago deserved every damn bit of it. Along the way, I had to even apologize to her for not honoring that hurt she went through. Please don’t think I’m crazy, but it’s true.
I’m now in a place in my life where I am completely in love with Sitoria. I could have not said that, confidently, a year ago. I am so comfortable with me. I’m in love with my potential. I truly live in the moment. I now go to the beat of my own drum. It was all possible because I decided to honor my former self in order to be released from my past and really get the chance to know who I am. And the more I learned, the more I fell in love. Now, I did face some ugly truths about myself as well but it’s OK. It’s all a part of the process.
I say all this to say, give you a different lens or perspective on what it means to truly heal. If you can’t be honest enough yet with others, it’s fine. But, it’s probably because you have not been honest with yourself. So please, honor your hurt, and honor yourself.