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Blog, Lifestyle, Motivation

 

By: Sitoria Townsend

SitoriaSpeaks.com

 

I’m only 24. I have screamed. I have questioned life and God. I have cried endless amounts of tears. I have experienced extreme lows and have also had some extreme highs. I’ve sought comfort in the wrong people. I also may have smoked one, two many blunts and had one too many drinks to escape reality sometimes. I thought at times I had it all figured out just for life to laugh at me and say, “Puh-lease, try again.” But one thing remained the same through it all and I had to quickly realize it.

 

My reality wasn’t changing… unless I changed. And as soon as I accepted that, things started to shift for me. There’s so much power in just letting shit be. Let me explain.

 

  1. God ain’t to blame for everything (Take accountability for your own damn actions)

 

Complaining won’t do you any good because most of the time we have created the situations we’re in and didn’t even realize it. So instead of trying to point the finger at everyone and everything else, take a step back. Realize you have the power to also change your reality for the better.

 

  1. Let Experimental Be Your Norm (No, I’m not talking about threesomes and ish, unless that’s what floats your boat)

 

You’re young! This is the time to explore our interests. This is the time to also explore your interests fearlessly! And don’t feel like you’re out of control just because you have more than one interest. That’s great. Life has too much to offer to not explore your options and interests. You owe it to yourself to do what makes you happy.

 

  1. What we don’t like in others is sometimes what we don’t like about ourselves.

 

I know I just made some people tilt their heads and roll their eyes, but think about it. Why are we so quick to point out negative attributes in people that others may not notice? It’s because we’ve done those same things or we are still dealing with those same attributes and may not even know it. So before you fix your lips to say this, that, and the third about someone just be sure to check yourself first. Trust that it’s a very humbling experience.

 

  1. Protect your energy by any means necessary. (Stop entertaining BS)

 

If you are around someone or something and you have to always pose the question, “Why are you even here?” then it’s time to separate. You know when you’re in a toxic situation or when one is about to occur. Be aware of the feeling that arises in the pit of your stomach that makes you feel uneasy. It’s telling you to RUN. And this one is especially for my ladies. Let’s stop amusing these fools and start playing a little game of “When Will You Stop Entertaining This Nxgga?”

 

  1. What you’re looking for is already inside of you.

 

Take a look in the mirror. Now look at your friends. Look at your family. Look at people around. Yes, they don’t look like you, because they are not you and you are not they. You’re uniquely made and so your journey in life is tailored just for you. Too many times we spend too much time and energy trying to compare tales and miss the lessons we are trying to be taught in that moment. Which leads me to my next point..

 

  1. Chill out and Be Still!

 

Bro. Sis. Just chill sometimes. I see so many people around me who suffer severely from FOMO (fear of missing out). They just want to be with the crowd just to be with the crowd. It’s OK…NO. It’s necessary for you to be idle at times. Don’t get me wrong now, I’ll go out and shake something here and there, but I wouldn’t trade my alone time for anything. That’s my time to journal, reflect, talk to myself, show gratitude and appreciate where I’m at in that moment. Being with myself is something I will never stop doing. That precious time and energy I make sure I invest into.

 

  1. Change your perspective.

 

It changes your energy & allows you to receive what you want and more. I can’t call a bad situation “bad” anymore because I know that it’s all a part of a bigger plan that the universe has for me. Too many times we dwell on what’s already done instead of just accepting it for what it is and learning from it and moving on. I can’t emphasize how important it is to just let shit go, especially little stuff.

 

  1. TRAVEL!!!!!! You’re young. Go and see the world. Just go.

 

Self-explanatory.

 

  1. Forgiveness is key too freedom (Or else you’ll be the “bitter bxtch”)

 

Forgiveness is a sign of extreme maturity and growth. When you can look at someone who has done bad things to you and still show them grace, love, and compassion…. you are winning. Choose love in all situations and show that same grace, as you’d want to be shown. Also, choosing to forgive yourself for anything you’ve done in the past that you are not proud of. Forgiveness is another step in your journey that you shouldn’t miss.

 

  1. No one is perfect. Everyone is a work in progress…everyone.

 

You know you got some skeletons in your closet too. Just as you’d want someone to be patient with you as you transition to your best self, be sure to do the same for the next person. We all need to learn to discipline ourselves in choosing patience and sometimes giving people the benefit of the doubt. And hey, some people will never change, but all you can do is just love that person still right where they are.

 

  1. Learning how to say sorry and admit when you are wrong.

 

Forget what you think someone will say about you for admitting when you were wrong. That is a sign of true strength. This is something that a lot of people struggle with and they wish they could possess. It’s also a freeing feeling and validates with all parties involved that at the end of the day we are all just human and we make mistakes. What really matters is what we do with those mistakes.

 

  1. Don’t take things personal

 

The moment we take something personal we have let the other person win. Or it’s a sign that there’s something internally that needs to be addressed and you don’t even know it. We give ourselves too much credit at times and get ourselves worked up over someone else’s attitude, comments, etc. It’s not you. Let it go. Trust me, you’ll have so much ease within you.

 

I had a situation where a young man disrespected me badly! I had never experienced such vulgar language thrown my way and the way he talked to a woman seemed a little too second nature in my opinion. I started to engage with him until I realized the bigger picture. There was some experience or trauma he had in his upbringing that has caused him to lash out at women the way he did. (I wasn’t the only one. I did some digging) As soon as I realized that I stepped back, ended the conversation, blocked him of course, and prayed. I prayed for peace in his spirit and for healing because there was something tainting his spirit and he needed prayer. The bigger lesson in this is to learn the art of loving people right where they are. That is a duty.

 

It is with my sincere hope, y’all that this helped somebody. If you want to keep reading, be sure to subscribe and more importantly…share with a friend!

 

Love you,

Sitoria

 

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Blog, Motivation

You ever had that parent or family member who pretty much raised you, but you couldn’t stand their habits or ‘ways’? Maybe it was a friend in your life who you didn’t like because of the way they lived. Or maybe it was someone you have never had an interaction with, but you notice something about them you wish and hope to one day not become. Then you start to tell yourself this story that you are in some way, shape, or form better than that person and you vow to never be like them. But, I have a reality check for you…you’re no better than them. A friend once told me, the very thing you despise or don’t like someone else is often what you don’t like about yourself, whether you realize it or not.

 

In my previous blog post, I shared with you some things about my past and upbringing with my father and he was ‘that’ person for me who I said I would never be like or surround myself with such people. All throughout college, I started (at least I thought I was) to get on this ever changing, mystical road to self-development. I was doing all the right things. I was judging others, I was critical of others, I held grudges (you’ll catch the sarcasm in 3,2,1), I put myself, to some degree, on a pedestal above others. I thought that since I had this nice job working at the news station, a new car, a man, and making decent money that I had it all and I was good, right? Wrong. The very things I said I would not be, I had become. I didn’t realize it then, but I was trying to change for the good out of desperation and not inspiration.

 

“I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” –William Ernest Henley

 

There’s a huge difference here and I’ll be happy to break it down. Desperation is a state of despair that results in a rash or extreme behavior. Think of a time when you were desperate for something and you just had to have it, you didn’t care how you got it, but once you did you were satisfied with yourself. Satisfied with the end result, not realizing what you did, or were willing to do, to get to that point.

 

I mentioned something about people telling themselves stories. This storytelling is a part of the 4 boxes to self-destruction someone told me: stories, judgment/criticism, looking good, and competitiveness. We tend to tell ourselves stories about how we’re not good enough, smart enough, etc. We tend to judge and criticize rather than be open and listen. We feel we must do what is the latter to fit it and look good. And compete against one another instead of thinking of ways to work together.

 

In my case, I was willing to tell myself the stories of I’m better than him, her, and them and I’m going to show them I’m better. I can’t do anything but laugh at it now because I was really acting a fool and was a fool at that point. I was trying to change out of desperation and because of that I wasn’t really focusing on who Sitoria is and can be. I was focused on proving myself to others that I’m not like them.

 

I took the energy I had and used it for others instead of myself. See, when you change out of desperation you’re worried about looking good to the next person. When you can change out of inspiration that means you have a testimony to you and you ain’t afraid to share it. That means you can be 1,000% honest with yourself about you and check yourself in order to reach your higher self. You know that you have some flaws and you’ve been through some shit, but you’re not afraid to hide what you’ve been through and wear that scar proud. That means you can listen to what’s going on around you and what’s going on inside of you and follow up on it. It means you’re choosing a better route because you know you can do better. But first, you have to acknowledge what’s wrong and stop feeding your ego. I was feeding my ego of who I thought I was.

 

I was giving myself the wrong recipe. I was trying too hard to prove myself to others because I knew deep down inside I was just like them. Probably worst, because I was trying to put them down by proving I was better. When you change out of inspiration you realize what’s in the way. You. You are what is standing in your own way. Tear down the wall of fear, anger, jealousy, pride, judgment, and be honest with yourself. Find your source of inspiration and let it lead you and let it guide you.

 

“Don’t believe in kings, believe in the Kingdom.” -Chance

 

I choose to change out of inspiration (mind, body, and soul) and not desperation because I know who I’m meant to be without any distractions. A person who loves all, a good daughter, a good friend, a source of inspiration for others, one who chooses to listen and trust in everything around me.

 

sit-cursive

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